Real Housewives of Miami Season 3: Fantasy Island, Bashing Cubans, Call Security! Where’s Ana?


It’s obvious from the first moments in Season 3 of the Real Housewives of Miami premiere episode, that Lea Black has been gnashing her teeth in anticipation over her delicious new prey: Adriana de Moura. Season 1, Cristy Rice was in Lea’s crosshairs; Season 2, Lea whacked away at Marysol Patton’s professional reputation. Now it’s Adriana’s turn to be relentlessly attacked. However, Adriana is a lot more feisty than the others. It might not be so bad if she didn’t have to listen to Lea’s car-alarm-like-cackle as she’s being pounded. But don’t worry, Adriana, Lea is “JUST KIIIIIIIIIIIDDING!”

Lea has no real storyline of her own, so the way she solves that each season is by creating some fictitious wrong that’s been perpetrated against her. Her own narcissistic Fantasy Island. This season, Lea decides that she’s supremely offended that Adriana was legally married five years ago. How! Dare! She! Says Lea to Joanna Krupa about Adriana: “I didn’t really know who she was!” According to Adriana, Lea knew all along about the marriage license. If I were Adriana, I’d get my house smudged with mounds of sage to protect against the Category 5 of evil that’s headed her way. On second thought, a sage bonfire might be more appropriate.


The housewives, sans Lea, go to a bridal expo to meet with Adriana de Moura and check out wedding dresses. Before Adriana arrives, Alexia Echevarria, Ana Quincoces, Marysol Patton and Lisa Hochstein are chatting when Lisa says – from out of nowhere – because there was no conversation leading up to her comments, “I’m like the outside person right now!” Then adds this about the three Cuban housewives during her interview (I’m quoting Lisa’s exact words from the DVR’d show): “They’re like a gang! I don’t know if it has something to do with the Cuban community in Miami, but it seems that way!”

WTF? My Cuban brain did a double take. For the sake of accuracy, Mees Leeesa, Cubans are not known globally for being in “gangs.” Being a bit loud while chatting, possessing an exuberance about dancing, food and sex and being the most highly-educated group of immigrants ever to come to the U.S. (according to the U.S. Census), absolutely!

And for the sake of grammar, “ganging up” on someone is general slang and does not have the same insulting, crass implications as saying someone is in a “gang” and that it must be because of their heritage. So apparently Mees Leesa thinks it’s perfectly elegant, sophisticated and socially acceptable to bash the Cuban community. If Mees Leesa had half a brain, she would not have said this, especially while living in Miami and she would have apologized for the misunderstanding instead of telling me to “chill out” and giving me attitude on Twitter, trying to excuse and justify her moronic statement. If anyone had made the same “gang” comment about African-American or Jewish communities anywhere, there would have been hell to… oh wait, that would never have been edited into the show! Oops.

And where was Ana’s “at least you can read, I’m happy for you!” crack to Lisa after Lisa said she could read between the lines. We saw it during the RHOM promos, but that part never aired. Ana just sat there quietly. Ana? Quiet? Since when does that happen? I live for Ana’s one-liners. Why was it cut!? Hmmm? Where was Ana!?

This is sounding awfully similar to Lea’s really loud, cri de guerre that was Cristy Rice’s Blacks’-Gala-ticket-debacle in Season 1. So what if Adriana and Frederic Marq got a marriage license in 2008? They called it off, says Adriana because her (then nine-year old) son Alex, was not adjusting well to the idea. So instead of being praised for thinking of her child first, Adriana gets bashed for not telling anyone, something, that in my opinion, is nobody’s business. They had a license but no ceremony. As Adriana explains it, they weren’t married because it wasn’t “in the presence of God” and that’s how she would feel married. How is that Lea’s problem?

Lea picks up Joanna Krupa from the airport, telling her that her fiance Romain couldn’t pick her up. (Wink, wink). They talk about how they’re sooo hard-working and soooo similar. In her interview, Joanna deadpans, “I’m Lea. Thirty years ago.” Riiiaarrr.

So a surprise awaits, Joanna! And a product placement moment for Warren Henry autos. We see Romain, waiting in the dealership parking lot, next to a snazzy new Jag, a gift for his beloved Joanna! When Lea spots him, she blurts out, quivering with excitement, her voice escalating to air-raid siren levels with each new word. “OH. MY. GODDDD. HOW HOT IS HE?? MUAH, MUAH, MUAH, OOOH MYYY GODDDD!”

Whoa, lady. Keep yer bloomers on!

It gets much, much worse. As Joanna steps out of the car and greets Romain with a long, luscious, Lifetime Movie kiss, Lea clutches at her chest, and wails from the car, “helllloooo, hiiiiii, what about MEEEE, lovebirds? I’m over heeeere!” (Huh?) She actually said that out loud. I threw up in my mouth a bit. I did.

Cut to Lea’s interview where she’s again, slobbering uncontrollably about Romain and adds, “if you saw Romain standing there like a Greek statue, you’d be excited toooo!” (At this juncture, Reader Poll! Restraining order or tranquilizer darts?) Joanna gives a squeak of excitement at receiving the convertible and she and the Greek statue drive away, as he glances nervously into the rear view mirror.

We see more of Alexia Echevarria’s youngest son Frankie (who almost died in a horrible car accident) and how much better he’s doing because of intensive therapy – it really tugs at the heart. Because of the brain injury, there’s no filter and he literally says whatever he feels or thinks, but he knows he’s being funny and that shows marked improvement from last year. It was also refreshing to hear Alexia finally talk about her older son Peter, who was charged with hitting a homeless man in the groin. She added that he went to jail and had to do community service, working with the homeless. In her interview, Alexia added: “stupid him, he videotaped it and downloaded it onto YouTube.” Touché!

Lea announces she’s making over her house, her social circle… everything. Enter spectacularly talented interior designers Hernan Arriaga and Fabio Lopes. (I love that they’re getting a plug for their work.) Lea says in her interview that she’ll hide the bills from husband Roy. Niiiiice.

The really hilarious (I’m ROFL) part is that now Lea has renamed her large living room/family room, the Grand Ballroom. Capital G. Capital B. The reason I find it so amusing is that starting about nine years ago, during the years I was writing my society column for the Miami Herald, I covered many parties and galas there (back when the Blacks’ Gala was held at their home) and I nevah, evah heard that room referred to as the grand ballroom. It’s a nice size but you can’t call it a grand ballroom with a straight face.

During a luncheon at Lisa Hochstein’s, a very emotional Marysol, explains for the first time that her mother, the beloved, fan favorite Mama Elsa, suffered a stroke in March and almost died. After brain surgery, Mama Elsa has been in therapy and is slowly recovering. The show ends on a very touching note as the housewives give a heartfelt toast to Mama Elsa regaining her good health and promise to not fight and focus on the things that are really important in life.

Let’s see how long that lasts.


*Follow me on Twitter @DaisySociety


Daisy Olivera


Speak Your Mind


Contact | Archives | Subscribe to The Daisy Column by Email
Designed by Eduardo Vera | All Rights Reserved "The Daisy Column"